The triumph of putting up my own tent the night before was a great one, but was wiped away on this fine morning by the uncoordinated disassembling of said tent in the dark and packing up of the gear in the dark. At least I knew about the flashlight function of my iPhone by this point! As for my "luggage," I can tell you this: If I ever go camping again (and I will) I will get a much better camping bag/backpack/whatever!
I forgot to get any food aside from some tiny bar of something and I forgot to have anything to drink aside from the bottom 6th of someone's Gatorade. Because I am so smart, and, couldn't find anything. At any rate off we went!
We dropped of Michael at leg 1 (C-1) then went to leg 2 (C-2), and there were many skeeters (S-1,000,000,000). We had to park a ways down so when Michael came in Melissa and Rose and Don had walked all the way down to meet him. When Dan took off they had to walk back to the Jeep before we could proceed to the start of leg 3 which was my leg (C-3).
The problem here was that the lightening fast Don was tearing through C-2 and it was a 3 mile leg. And we had to get to C-3 before Don did so he could pass the baton (so to speak) to me.
Well, by the time we got there as I jogged towards the meetup spot, I noticed Don running past me. SHIT! I ran beside Don thinking that was good enough. Nope he was pissed off! Because.. I was supposed to be on the other side of the freeway for a "soft touch" and to get across the freeway you had to radio across and make sure it was OK or something , all I know is, Don was simultaneous pushing me forward while yelling at me and having the radio contacts clear the way across the road for me so, my first run of the day started off being bitched out and pushed around. Hey what is this, High School Cross Country?
It was actually no big deal, we didn't lose more than.. 10 seconds? And Don wasn't actually mad. He just didn't want to lose any time.
So there I was scooting down the sandy trail. Utterly out of energy. Thirsty as hell. Staying off to the side so the sand was firmer. Feeling myself sputtering on empty.. sweat pouring down my face.. and starting to make myself a pretty lucrative offer. If I made it through that trail, I told myself, I will never run again. The idea of not running felt amazing. I was thinking of sitting on my deck at my cottage, just off the beach, maybe doing some ab work, planking.. eating a nice healthy salad while enjoying a cool glass of water.. and not running. It seemed like a dream, the breeze off of Lake Erie was great. There I was sipping water casually with my feet kicked up on my deck table, now my hands folded behind my head as I stare up and watch the Martins fly overhead, is that a Starling? It's really small and there are a lot of them. Oops those are clouds of skeeters and I am in the middle of a death march!
Every time I slowed down the cloud of skeeters started to descent towards me. But I never let any land on me.
Focus.
FOCUS.
I guess it helped to know that if I bailed on the run I would be eaten alive. That's motivation!
Quite a few people passed me, or, some, I was kind of just dragging myself along, I am not sure how I finished. Something about running a few marathons changes you. You gain the ability to .. finish a run no matter what.. You don't freak out, you don't look for a ride.. you know to just push forward to the end because.. it's no fun in the middle and where else are you going to go? Git er don! Just Finish. It was a 5 mile run but felt like 100. I was pretty C-3 PO'd about running at this point and by the last stretch I had actually talked myself into cancelling the upcoming Legend Half and the Crim runs I am scheduled for and taking all of August off and maybe some of the fall too (I had already backed away from my daydream of a total running retirement).
All this drama was in my head but running is a mental game and this run came as close to breaking me as any run ever has. In fact I remain slightly broken.
Cut to the shambling finale'..I finished! And a few people wanted to pull my shoes off my feet, like how in the old west they fought over the boots of fallen gunslingers. Rumors of my demise were exaggerated but rumors of me looking like complete shit were dead on.
From that moment forward until I had a breakfast sandwich and a coffee in my hands in some town I barely remember, I was lusting for breeze and water like I had some sort of sick fetish....changing into dry clothes in public in a car as people walked by. Stumbling down the road asking some women if they knew where coffee was. I eventually found some and the moment I had the first sip of real coffee at a little store I walked to I was on the comeback trail. I could feel sanity coming back to me.
I hung out and recharged as best I could until my final leg.
By the time my second 5 mile run came along I was sorta rarin' to go. At least mentally. I had close to zero running energy. My heels were hollerin my knees were tired and my back was slightly perturbed. But I had my fighting spirit back and a game plan that I told no one because it's not exactly a runner-endorsed game plan. My plan was to run in bursts and walk in stretches. Actually my goal was to run as much as I could before resorting to that plan. I was however sure that I was going to run out of energy completely at some point. And this was my plan to address that issue.
A lot of runners will tell you if they stop running and walk, it's all over. I am glad I am not one of those runners. For my fastest adult 5K I actually stopped and walked for a count of 10. I can do that and then run again. I always hesitate to share this strategy with other runners because sometimes they get pissed off, especially if we ran the same race, I beat them, and then I reveal that I had to stop and walk at some point. They can get a little angry at me.It's kind of an unwritten runner no-no among runners that have sort of code. Code? HA! I laugh in the face of any sort of class or style (apparently).
I had an unexpected ally for this final leg of mine, my teammate Gabe. I somehow talked him into being bike support. Course rules said that I could not have bike support for the first part of my run where I run down the side of some train tracks but after I got back on the roads it was permitted. I had been badgering his wife Aleah for bike support before this, I liked the idea of bike support! I have never enjoyed such a perk as a runner. I wanted to take advantage of this concept. Long story longer they had two bikes between them and she had experienced difficulty with bike supporting her husband on an earlier leg. In fact he had to go back to rescue his bike support spouse. But she had already found a way out of that trail and had gone to help Dan.
I do like the concept of finishing a leg and then going back to rescue the person who was there to rescue you. Gabe earned a few goodSpouse points on that one even though we almost had to leave him behind to get to the next leg. But, who wouldn't go back to rescue their sweet loving spouse? It's epic. I feel that Gabe can bring this up the next time he screws something up and get out of sleeping on the couch. I would use this.. at least 3 times. 3 mulligans minimum.
I digress! The point is Aleah had to go bike support someone else on the mountain bike I think since there was sand? And Gabe was talked into using the road bike to support me.
So I blazed down the train tracks and passed a woman who was struggling and I came up with such a great comment for her that I still wince now recollecting it. As I passed her I said "keep on goin!"
I guess this was what I was thinking in my head, a hold over from earlier in the day? Anyways she said "you are an asshole." No, I am sure she was thinking that but she was kind enough to reply "I will!"
At end that part of the trail I could already feel my engines sputtering. And there was Gabe on the bike. So, off we go, my first run with bike support.. felt kinda kewl. Someone passed me at this point, and Gabe was playing Queen on his phone speaker. In particular, the song was Another One Bites the Dust!
Are you happy, are you satisfied
How long can you stand the heat ?
..
Another one bites the dust
There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him ...
Of all the songs, eh? I realize now on looking at the lyrics that in context it's a positive song but those lyrics out of context as heard by me.. were not cheering me on!. I tried to gasp out to Gabe that maybe another song would do me better, and I forget if the song ended or if he skipped it (it's a good song! I just found it lacking as a choice for my particular situation) and we moved on to Fat Bottom Girls.
Side Note: I had not seen any Fat Bottomed Girls for days.. everyone was in fine fine shape. So I could at least focus on that? Or are fat bottomed girls still girls with cute butts? I mulled this over for about a mile but even now I have not come to a conclusion on this matter. I urge you to contact me if you have the scoop on Fat Bottoms and what they mean in regards to the female of the human species. How fat is a fat bottom and is it "baby got back" fat, or is it the kind of fat you see stuffed inappropriately into a g-string on a 400 pounder ambling down the aisles at Walmart?
Here's a sample of what I did not see at GLR 2015. more can be found at that above link:
At any rate it was time for the contingency plan to swing into action. Shamble into action. I started walking for a bit and running for a bit. Gabe was not on board at first but ultimately he supported the idea and even pointed to a few spots for me to walk at. He wanted to pour water on my head and for some reason I wasn't up for it, but it was a good idea.
We come around the final corner, in agreement that no one at the meetup spot should see me walking so the final turn was a "run zone." I of course immediately almost twisted my ankle on an unexpected road hole.. but didn't! Ankle was OK! And so I finished.
Lore has it that Rob, who was scheduled for the next leg, was off in the woods taking a constitutional, reading a good book (no word on if a tire was involved) when he got the word that I had finished my leg. Regardless of the excat situation, he was indeed unprepared, because I had come in faster than was expected. BOOYA! Oh yea, uh huh, I rocked it, oh yea! I think there was a few minutes delay from my finish to his start. I blame my total awesomeness for this.
So I finished my portion of the race in style at least, and no small thanks to Gabe, who went out of his way to drag his tired carcass onto a bike to help me out! This was only a few days after he was attacked by that ginormous sharp-clawed bear lurking behind some roots on the very first leg of this race! The guy is lucky to be alive, from what he tells me!
And now all we had to do was go to the finish line and wait for Tim to come in. We had run concurrently each day, this day was no exception, so multiple people started running but we were to all meet at the finish line.
The finish line was on a beach, a magnificent beach in Empire Michigan. Hot looking coeds all over the place like it was some sort of fitness spring break. We had procured beer! We planned to all run in together with the mighty Tim, our final runner.
Dandy was at his finest here. Tanked and stumbling about. OK full disclaimer, this dude might not touch a drop of booze during the week, or regularly at all, I don't mean to imply he is a raging alcoholic. But, he had his drink on for GLR! He may need to be reminded that he was at GLR 2015.
So we hung out by the beach to wait for Tim to run his 6. And we drank. And I forgot about all my problems and coasted along on a happy semi drunk plane of existence.. and eventually started to listen in on people discussing how long it had been since Tim had started running.
Ruh roh.
As talk began of Tim's tragic death, I noticed drunken Dandy about to make a VERY inappropriate comment to someone else and I actually out of reflex stared down Dandy and said "NO!" like he was a small child or perhaps dog. It worked! Sorry Dandy, I didn't intend to do that! I think it was because I have two boys ages 10 and 12 and instinct kicked in. But it worked. Dandy held his tongue.
So, if one of your runner's dies, do you get a handicap? Do you have to drag the body across the finish line to finish the race or can someone touch the corpse where it lay and take over. I guess it didn't help matters that Tim is (SPOILER ALERT! Tim Didn't Die! I should make this part of my blog hidden, where you have to roll your mouse over it to read it.. to keep the drama going) in his 60's and looked quite peaked when he finished his prior leg. In fact Tim and I had joked about his death earlier in the day. If he dies.. that's pretty awkward for me. And it's all about me. Oh, also, Tim would be dead which is not good for him or his wife. I think I had told his wife I would bring him back alive because she was saying it was crazy for him to do this. So, bottom line for me is, I had joked about his demise a few times and it would reflect badly on me if he had kicked it.
But, at least I am not self absorbed.
I started to formulate and talk of a plan for a few of us to go to the start of the leg and run it, and look for bodies, which wasn't perfect because if he had wandered off the trail and kicked it, would we find him? Don went to ask the officiating guy how long until we had to be disqualified. Someone else went to get more beer. a 6 pack.
Then the good news came..the mighty Tim came around the corner in the distance! We all got in place and we finished the race together! Sure we dropped many places in the rankings but we were not contenders and, on a plus side, we can boast that there were no deaths on our team. Which would make a fine commemorative t shirt!
"Off in the Corner No One Died." No?
Tim was a little pissed off that one of the major components of addressing his absence and potential death was the procurement of a 6 pack of beer. I agreed with him and said he was at least worth a 12 pack.
So there you have it. We drank with some people for a while, packed up, and headed south. I did not get to stop at Weenerlicious but I was too tired to care. I didn't get home till.. 12:30am I think?
I am still a little burned out on running, admittedly.. shaky, creaky, slow and timid.. but am starting to get my roadlegs back. I plan to attempt a trail marathon this weekend called The Legend at Sleepy Hollow State Park, I seem to do it each year despite always claiming I am done doing that brutal race! Then later in August the Crim and in the fall I have Dances with Dirt lined up as well as the Freep.
Would I do this again? Absolutely, assuming I return to running, which is something I am struggling with at the moment. However I can't quit, I am of Scottish descent (via Canada) and I paid for those other races so I have to run them! I will let my internal cheapness carry me through this rough patch! Also, if I finish the Legend I get an extra beer glass because I complete the "Serious Series." Hey now this is SERIOUS. You don't f*ck around when a beer glass is on the line. Speaking of beer I will run tonight from a bar in 88 degree heat with other people who would laugh at me if I quit...and try to re-adjust my attitude on this thing..
It was a great time, all great people, great experiences and mostly no truth to the rumors of skeeters big as birds or tick infestations everywhere.
Over and out from myself and Off In the Corner!
Footnote: Melissa told me how every aspect of this epic weekend made her eager to start long distance outside running as soon as possible.. so watch for her out there, doing 12-20 miles on the roads and trails of metro Detroit!
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